How can you tell when an electric guitar is out of tune?
The strings are vibrating.

What is the definition of a minor second?
Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

What's the best thing to play on a guitar?
Nothing.

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

What's the difference between a lawnmower and an electric guitar?
You can tune a lawnmower.

How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
Nobody knows.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise..."